The “I’m Fine” Diet Is Wrecking Your Relationship

Question: My wife says I’m emotionally checked out. I don’t think that’s fair. I work, I handle bills, I coach our son’s soccer team, and I’m usually the one who gets up when the dog starts barking at 2 a.m. But apparently I “don’t talk.” What am I supposed to do, provide a quarterly feelings report over dinner? Also, when she asks what’s wrong, I genuinely don’t know. I’m just tired and annoyed. —J.

First: keeping the household running matters. It is love, even if it doesn’t come with a swelling soundtrack.

But yeah, this is partly on you. “I don’t know” may be true, but if it’s your only answer, your wife experiences you as a locked door. She is not necessarily demanding a dramatic confession about your childhood. She may be asking for basic coordinates: “I’m exhausted,” “I’m worried about money,” “I feel disconnected from you,” or even, “I don’t have the words yet, but I’m not mad at you.” That is not a quarterly feelings report. That is letting another adult know where you are.

Men often wait until they can explain a feeling perfectly before saying anything. Bad system. Start with a rough draft. And don’t make her drag it out of you while you stare at a screen. Ten honest minutes without phones will do more than a heroic weekend gesture.

Question: I’ve been lifting for eight months and my body looks basically the same. I’m stronger, but the mirror is rude. I train four days a week, then eat like I’m being released from prison: giant dinner, snacks, sometimes a “healthy” smoothie that is basically dessert with spinach in it. Should I change my program?

Maybe. But your program is probably not the first suspect.

If strength is going up, you are adapting. If your waist and body weight are not moving in the direction you want, your food intake is likely canceling out the deficit—or your goal is vague enough to keep moving the goalposts. “Get leaner and bigger” is possible, but it is slower and less dramatic than the internet suggests.

Track your food honestly for two weeks, including oils, drinks, handfuls, tastes, and the suspicious little peanut-butter spoonfuls that somehow happen six times. Keep lifting. Get adequate protein. Sleep. Then adjust by a modest amount, not by eating sadness and calling it discipline. The body is not a vending machine, but it does keep receipts.

Your one move today: Tell your partner one true sentence you have been avoiding, then put your usual post-workout smoothie ingredients into a food-tracking app before you drink it.