The Group Chat, the Office Crush, and Other Tiny Explosions

Dear Darla,

My sister-in-law added me to a family group chat that is apparently for “important updates,” but it’s mostly 47 photos of her dog, arguments about potato salad, and my mother-in-law asking everyone to pray because someone has a headache. I muted it, which was peaceful, until I missed a message about my niece’s birthday dinner and showed up an hour late. Now my sister-in-law says I’m “not part of the family.” I do love these people. I just don’t want my phone buzzing like a slot machine all day. Am I rude?

—Muted in the Midwest

Dear Muted,

No, you’re not rude for muting a chat. You are responsible for missing information if you’ve chosen not to check it. That’s the trade-off. You don’t get to enjoy the silence and then act shocked when the potato-salad parliament passes a resolution without you.

Send one clear message: “I’m keeping the chat muted, but I don’t want to miss plans. Please text me directly for dates, times, and anything urgent.” Then check the chat once a day—or assign one family member to forward actual logistics. Your sister-in-law is being dramatic, but you also need to stop treating notifications like a moral obligation.

Dear Darla,

I made the embarrassing mistake of telling a coworker I had a crush on another coworker. I thought it was a private conversation, but apparently she told two people, and now the office has turned into a low-budget dating show. The person I like is being perfectly normal, which somehow makes it worse. I’m considering denying everything, quitting, or pretending to get engaged to a stranger. What do I do?

—Open Plan, Closed Mouth

Dear Open Plan,

First, do not fake an engagement. That is how you end up explaining a nonexistent fiancé named “Mark” to Human Resources.

You made a private disclosure to the wrong person, and yes, that’s on you. But the gossipers are behaving like middle-schoolers with payroll deductions. Keep your conduct boring and professional. If someone teases you, say, “I shared something I shouldn’t have, and I’m not discussing it at work.” Repeat it without smiling, defending yourself, or adding details. Do not confess your feelings to the crush just to regain control of the story; romance is not a fire extinguisher.

Tonight, send your family chat message and write down the exact sentence you’ll use at work. Then use both before noon tomorrow.

Have a mess of your own? Write to Darla. Please include the details you’re tempted to leave out—they’re usually where the answer is hiding.