Three Times Reality Filed a Formal Complaint

Setup: In 1932, Australian farmers asked the government for help with emus eating wheat and damaging fences. The government sent soldiers, complete with machine guns, to deal with the problem.

Escalation: The emus proved difficult to corral, surprisingly fast, and apparently unimpressed by military procedure. Birds scattered before the soldiers could get into position, while bullets often failed to stop them. After several attempts, the operation was scaled back and the army withdrew. Farmers later received bounties for emu carcasses instead.

Punchline: Australia’s defense minister eventually described the emus as having “won” the war. The official enemy had feathers and no known interest in territory.

Setup: The oldest joke known to historians comes from ancient Sumer, recorded on a tablet dating to roughly 1900 BC. It concerns a young woman, a husband, and an unfortunate seating arrangement.

Escalation: The wording has been translated several ways, but the general meaning is stable: something that had supposedly never happened since the beginning of time was a young woman not passing gas in her husband’s lap. Scholars have spent considerable effort determining whether this qualifies as a joke, proverb, or domestic observation.

Punchline: Humanity’s oldest recorded joke is, in essence, a fart joke with a marriage subplot. Civilization began writing things down and immediately chose this.

Setup: Swiss animal-welfare rules recognize that guinea pigs are social animals and should not be kept alone. The regulations therefore treat solitary guinea-pig ownership as an animal-welfare problem.

Escalation: The law does not merely suggest buying a second guinea pig if convenient. It establishes companionship as part of proper care, alongside requirements concerning housing, food, and humane treatment. A nation famous for clocks, banks, and carefully organized trains has also made loneliness in a small mammal a legal matter.

Punchline: In Switzerland, the phrase “my guinea pig needs a friend” is not just a reasonable household request. It is a compliance issue.

This Week in Weird History: In 1932, the Australian Army learned that an emu can win a war simply by refusing to stand still.