The Two Lies Men Tell About Being “Too Busy”

Question: I’m 38, married, two kids, and I keep telling my wife I’m exhausted. Which is true, technically. But I also stay up until midnight watching videos and scrolling sports clips because it’s the only time nobody needs anything from me. Then I’m wrecked the next day, short with everyone, and somehow offended when my wife says I’m not really helping. I feel like a jerk because… yeah, I probably am. How do I get my “me time” without acting like a teenager hiding in the garage?

First: you’re not wrong for wanting time alone. The part where you quietly steal it from tomorrow’s sleep, then make your family live with the consequences, is the problem. That’s not recovery. That’s borrowing money from your health at criminal interest.

Your wife also shouldn’t have to discover your boundaries by watching you become a haunted raccoon after 10 p.m. Say the actual thing: “I need 30 minutes alone after the kids are down, and I need us to agree on when we each get uninterrupted time.” Then protect sleep like it matters, because it does. Most adults need roughly seven or more hours, and chronic sleep restriction reliably worsens mood, attention, blood pressure, and emotional control. You’re not a bad man for needing solitude. You are responsible for how you obtain it.

Also, make the alone time worth having. Ten minutes of scrolling followed by forty minutes of scrolling is not a sacred ritual. It’s an app eating your evening with a tiny fork.

Question: I started lifting again after years off. I’m embarrassed by how weak I am, so I keep adding weight too fast, get sore, skip a week, then repeat the whole dumb cycle. I’m not trying to be a superhero. I just want to stop feeling like my body is something I’m renting from an older, meaner landlord.

Good news: you don’t need a heroic plan. You need a boring one you’ll still do when your ego is whining.

Start lighter than you think you should. Leave two or three solid repetitions “in the tank” on most sets. Train two or three days a week, use basic movements, and add weight slowly—small increases, not dramatic declarations of war. Strength training works because of consistency, not because you briefly convince yourself you’re starring in a prison movie.

And stop treating soreness as proof of virtue. Soreness is a side effect, not a performance review. If you have sharp pain, swelling, chest pain, unusual shortness of breath, or symptoms that persist, get medical guidance instead of trying to out-stubborn your joints.

Your step today: Put a 30-minute no-phone block on the calendar and schedule your next two workouts—then tell your partner exactly when each of you gets the same protected time.