My Brother Moved In “For a Few Months.” It’s Been 19 Months.

Dear Zoe,

My younger brother moved into my two-bedroom apartment after he lost his job. He said it would be “maybe three months,” and I believed him because I am apparently very gifted at lying to myself.

That was 19 months ago. He has a job now, but it’s part-time and he says he can’t afford his own place. He pays $200 a month, which doesn’t cover his share of rent, utilities, groceries, or the emotional cost of stepping over his laundry mountain every morning.

I’ve asked him to contribute more. He says I’m treating him like a tenant instead of family. My parents say I should be grateful I can help him, because plenty of people are one missed paycheck away from homelessness. They’re not wrong. But I’m also furious. I don’t want to become the villain because I finally admitted I’m tired.

How do I make him leave without blowing up my family?

—The Reluctant Roommate

First: your brother’s situation is real. Rent has outrun wages in much of the country, and a part-time job often doesn’t come close to supporting one adult, never mind paying market-rate rent. “Just get your own place” is not a plan when the math is impossible.

But his problem being real does not make it yours indefinitely. You offered emergency help. He accepted permanent housing. Those are different arrangements, and the fact that nobody held a meeting about the change doesn’t mean the change didn’t happen.

Also, yes, that’s on you a little. You waited 16 months past the original agreement to set a boundary because you wanted to avoid feeling guilty. Guilt is not evidence that you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes it’s just the smoke alarm that goes off when you stop making yourself convenient.

Have one calm, specific conversation. Not “You need to figure something out.” Say: “You need to move out by this date. Until then, you’ll pay this amount, keep your belongings in your room, and handle these household responsibilities.” Pick a date that is firm but not theatrical. Sixty or 90 days may be reasonable, depending on your lease and local tenant laws.

Put it in writing afterward. Check your lease and understand the legal rules before changing locks or throwing out his stuff; family drama is bad enough without accidentally creating a court case. If he truly can’t make the deadline, help him look for roommates, housing assistance, or a second job—but don’t confuse helping with surrendering your home.

Tell your parents they are welcome to offer him a room, money, or a concrete alternative. Concern is easy when it comes with no square footage attached.

Action step: Tonight, send your brother a written meeting request for this week and bring a proposed move-out date with you.