Alligators, Bears, and One Man’s Legal Opposition

A man in Florida arrived at a fast-food restaurant carrying an alligator. This was not a pet-friendly dining initiative. According to authorities, he allegedly threw the roughly four-foot reptile through a service window, where it landed among the equipment and the sort of paperwork that does not improve with contact.

No one was seriously hurt, though the alligator was later removed and the man faced charges related to assault and unlawful possession of the animal. The restaurant, meanwhile, had to add “reptile through window” to its list of situations requiring a manager.

The alligator declined to comment, having already made its position clear.

Elsewhere, a homeowner planted vegetables in a front yard and encountered an old opponent: the homeowners association. The association objected to the garden’s appearance and issued notices, because tomatoes apparently become a zoning issue when they can be seen from the street.

The homeowner challenged the restrictions, arguing that growing food on private property should not require approval from a committee whose usual emergencies involve mulch color. The dispute moved through the familiar stages of letters, fines, and increasingly formal photographs of zucchini.

Nothing says community like collective action against a cucumber.

And in a legal matter of unusual efficiency, a man once filed a lawsuit against himself while incarcerated, seeking damages from his own conduct and asking the state to pay because he lacked the funds to do so. The court was asked to recognize both parties, which must have simplified service of process.

The case did not proceed as hoped. The judge dismissed it, preserving the longstanding legal principle that even a person may not successfully sue himself and then expect the government to cover the settlement.

At last, a defendant who could not be accused of refusing to answer his own correspondence.

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