My Kid's Teacher Says He's "Spirited." I Think She Means He's a Monster.

Dear Mama Mae,

My son's second-grade teacher keeps calling him "spirited" and "high-energy," but what she really means is that he won't sit still and talks back. She's already sent him to the principal twice this year. Here's the thing—I don't think it's as bad as she's making it out to be. He's just a boy being a boy. My husband says boys need to run around and can't be expected to sit in chairs all day. The teacher wants us to "seek an evaluation," but that feels like labeling my kid. How do I get her to back off and just let him be a kid?

—Frustrated in the Suburbs

---

Mama Mae says:

Okay, I'm going to say this with love: yeah, that's on you.

Your son's teacher isn't your enemy. She's raising your hand because she's noticed something. That doesn't mean your kid is broken or bad—it means something in his classroom behavior is causing enough friction that a trained professional thinks it's worth mentioning. And you're not hearing it.

Here's what I know from raising four kids and watching hundreds of families: when a teacher says "spirited," she's usually being kind. She's giving you the nice version. The real version is probably "your child is disrupting my classroom and I need help." And instead of listening, you're defending.

Let me be clear about something: boys absolutely need to move around. Of course they do. But they also need to learn that there are times and places for that. Recess exists. Home exists. Even an eight-year-old can learn that sitting at a desk for 20 minutes is part of being in a classroom, and that talking back to the teacher is not optional.

The thing about "just being a boy"? That's actually parenting code for "I'm not going to teach him expectations." And I get it—we're tired, we don't want to be the bad guys, and constant boundary-setting is exhausting. But here's the cost: your son goes through school blaming teachers. He goes through his teens blaming coaches. He goes through adulthood blaming bosses. And nobody wins.

An evaluation doesn't label your kid. It gives you information. Maybe he's fine and just needs clearer rules at home and school. Maybe there's something like ADHD that, if addressed, would actually make his life easier, not harder. Either way, you get data instead of guessing.

Your husband is right that boys need to run. He's wrong that this means they shouldn't learn to sit still when it matters. Those aren't opposite things.

Your one actionable step: Call the teacher today and ask for a specific list of behaviors that are causing problems. Not "Is he spirited?" but "On Tuesday, what exactly did he do that required a principal visit?" Then go home and honestly answer this: Do you see any of those behaviors at home? If yes, you've got work to do together. If no, that's actually useful information too. But stop dodging. Your kid needs you in his corner, which sometimes means you have to steer him toward better.