Alligators at the Window, Raccoons at the Bar, and Other Administrative Errors

Setup: A Florida man was arrested after authorities said he threw a four-foot alligator through the service window of a fast-food restaurant. The animal had reportedly been taken from a golf course, because apparently the evening needed a second destination.

Escalation: Nobody was injured, but the incident produced charges involving unlawful possession and aggravated assault. The alligator, meanwhile, was removed by wildlife officials and returned to a more traditional setting involving water and poor judgment.

Punchline: The restaurant had a drive-thru, but the alligator was the only customer who came through the window.

Setup: A homeowner found a raccoon in his garage after the animal had opened a case of beer and consumed enough of it to become visibly intoxicated. Wildlife rescuers arrived to find the raccoon sleepy, unsteady, and apparently unwilling to discuss the evening.

Escalation: The animal was taken to a rehabilitation center, where staff allowed it to sober up before releasing it. Officials noted that raccoons are resourceful, dexterous, and entirely too interested in human storage systems.

Punchline: It was released once it could walk straight, which is more supervision than some bars provide.

Setup: An adult man sued his parents after they discarded a large collection of pornography during a move. He sought tens of thousands of dollars in damages, arguing that the material was valuable and that his parents had no right to throw it away.

Escalation: The case went before a federal judge, who considered whether parents may dispose of their adult son’s belongings after he has moved out. The court ultimately ruled against the son, finding that the collection’s sentimental value was not quite the same as market value.

Punchline: The family disagreement became a legal record, ensuring the collection will now be remembered forever.

Somewhere, an HOA is drafting a rule about alligator-shaped lawn ornaments.

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